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70. Pain, Pleasure and Peace

Hello! Welcome to our 70th episode! We hope you’re as excited as we are. In this episode our host Alice Lyons, discusses pain, pleasure and peace and how a book she’s currently reading has both completely blown her mind and inspired her in so many ways.

Also discussed:

(1:30) Introduction to the episode

(1:59) Alice has found the secret to wellbeing after reading ‘The Compassionate Mind’ by Paul Gilbert, discussing the theory and original researcher behind it

(3:34) Discussing the 3 main drives that influence our behaviour, explaining what they mean and where they originate from

(5:15) Explaining the soothing and contentment system in more depth and how important it is that we activate this to achieve that feeling of complete wellbeing

(7:41) How can we get a sense of peace in our lives? Alice discusses the barriers to this and how our modern lifestyles can get in the way

(11:15) Alice explains how journaling helps her process her emotions and problems in a calm way

(12:12) Talking will always be so effective for externalising our issues and how working through them with a listener can really help us deal with our pain

(13:48) “often, the things that we want are not what we need” – for example the pleasure-seeking part of our brains may tell us to keep eating chocolate even if we’re full because it can sometimes provide us with some form of comfort

(15:15) Learning how to be compassionate with ourselves and others is a practice. No one is expected to nail this first time, but it’s important to keep trying because we deserve to give ourselves compassion

(16:56) Following the Buddhist principle that knowing we will suffer in life and we should expect this. This does not mean a significant amount of suffering! However, we should expect obstacles throughout life and expecting everything to be perfect puts an unnecessary and unbearable burden on ourselves

(19:09) Concluding thoughts

(20:25) Discussing Dark Coffee, upcoming events, exciting workshops and the new website (which we highly encourage you to check out!)


Dark Coffee starts brave and bullshit-free conversations around mental health, wellbeing and business.

Join wellbeing advocate Alice Lyons as she attempts to normalise the conversation around mental health, from suicide to satisfaction and everything in between.

Dark Coffee aims to create a safe space to explore dark topics with curiosity and compassion.

Join the conversation by sharing this episode, subscribing to the podcast or following Alice across social media:



Dark Coffee provide mental health training for SME’s and professionals. To find out more, take a look at our website or get in touch:

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Podcast presented by Alice Lyons.

Music Credit: ‘Infinite Landscape’ by Corinne.


Suicide and Emotional Support Organisations – UK

Samaritans: Confidential suicide discussion and emotional support. Free helpline available round the clock. Text – 116123.  Call – 08457 909090  Email – Website –

Mind: Support and information for anyone suffering from a mental health issue. 0300 123 3393 Website –

Saneline: Practical information, crisis care and emotional support to people affected by mental health concerns. Helpline: 0845 767 8000, open daily from 6pm – 11pm.