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Emotions

We can all become experts in things if we're willi

We can all become experts in things if we're willing to put enough practice into doing the right things.

But sometimes, the biggest lessons will come from doing everything wrong.

I know for myself, I spent my twenties being TERRIBLE at looking after my wellbeing.

I lacked any understanding of mental health

So I didn't recognise the fact that I was experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts.

I lacked the self-awareness to be able to check-in with myself and acknowledge how I was feeling.

And I had no coping mechanisms, self-management skills, or tools to be able to course-correct.

This was doubly unfortunate because I spent most of my twenties in various management positions

And so I spent a lot of time putting on a front

Pretending I was fine

And carrying on as normal,

Because I thought that was the right thing to do....

Ten years later, I understand that putting on a brave face was probably the worst thing to do.

It meant that I struggled alone in silence, instead of reaching out for help.

I drove myself into the ground when I could have directed my energy into self-care.

And instead of setting a good example for my team, I was role-modeling unhealthy habits and working styles.

I'm not judging my younger self when I say all this.

I think she was doing the best she could with what she knew.

But this is why I'm passionate about spreading mental health and wellbeing awareness to other professionals.

We don't know what we don't know

So I want to use what I've learnt to help others, without them having to hit the wall as I so gracefully did....

-----------

On Wednesday evening, I'll be sharing a few of my hard-won lessons (and the mistakes that lead to them) in my first in-person talk in 2 YEARS!)

If you're around in Manchester, I'd love to see you there!

📌WHERE?
Bloc, Bloc 17, Marble St, Manchester, M2 3AW

📆WHEN?
6pm Weds 24th Nov

📲HOW?
Sign up using the link in my bio @darkcoffeeco

- ☕ Alice

#wellbeing #wellbeinginwork #wellbeingatwork #talk #darkcoffee #unfilteredwellbeing #wellbeingspeaker #manchesterevent

Is it possible to be an anti-social 'people person

Is it possible to be an anti-social 'people person?'

This is a quandry I find myself in;
On the one hand, I'll be the first person to move a conversation from the weather to "what's your biggest fear? Tell me all your crazy dreeeeeams!!"

But on the other, I'll fake my own death to get out of networking.

Alright, slight exaggeration.

But I've been surprised how many social engagements I find myself saying no to in this post-lockdown dystopia.

I used to be the first person blagging a free ticket to a bar opening, inviting myself along to events, or tagging along to after-work drinks.

Being surrounded by other business owners, seeing somewhere new and drinking boujie beverages made me feel good.

But then, Covid....

I don't know whether I'm still in a state of recovery after the lockdowns,

...like taking time to fix a broken leg before I can dance again...

... but something feels different about socialising now.

Instead of defaulting to 'yes,' I'm taking my time to analyse any opportunity, before invariably saying no.

The shine has gone, the intrigue has ebbed, and frankly, my bed is calling.

I wonder if I'm alone in this...

Or maybe the lockdowns have helped me tap into a truer state of being.

Maybe I never really was an extrovert after all -

Maybe I was just doing what I thought I needed to do to succeed in an extroverted world.

I'll be making time this weekend to reread a great book on this subject.

It's called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain.

I'm excited to see what new insights I might glean now that I'm seemingly adverse to everyone around me.

In the meantime, if you'd like to see me at one of the ridiculously few state occasions that I'm making an appearance at, I'll be speaking at the "Wellbeing at Work that works" event in Manchester next week.

Sharing some thoughts around struggling to stay sane as a business leader, no doubt.

Should be a laugh!

Link in the bio if you'd like to brave it with me; it's free to attend and they'll be plenty of lovely "we're all going to be ok" conversations afterwards!

- ☕ Alice

😪Up there with some of the 'mental health clich

😪Up there with some of the 'mental health cliches' I hate is the phrase 'broken.'

As much as we can legitimately FEEL broken, it's not something that we ARE.

It's always shocked me how often mental health professionals or lived experiences throw the term around.

It's damaging on a number of levels:

❗ It implies that we exist in only two distinct states - 'broken' or 'unbroken.'

Which is beyond basic.

Way to strip out all the nuance involved in being human.

We're far more complicated than that.

❗ Not only is this language basic af, but the word 'broken' is laden with negativity and judgement.

Broken objects are often discarded.

So if we are 'broken' does that make us similarly disposable?

Problematic.

❗ The word 'broken' can also be too readily applied to situations where we find ourselves in emotional distress.

And rather than applying what we need in the situation...

...like compassion...

... it adds a layer of self-judgement, which is far from helpful in the situation.

❗ By saying we 'ARE' broken, we also suggest that it is a fundamental part of our identity.

Rather than a temporary moment in time or feeling that we are EXPERIENCING.

💛 So, when it comes to the way we talk about ourselves, I'd like to suggest we remove the word 'broken' from our vocab.

Instead, let's put it into a context which is likely more accurate:

We're not broken. We're struggling.

- ☕ Alice

#wellbeing #selfcare #selfrespect #selftalk #selfesteem #compassion #mentalhealth #wellbeing #wellbeingunfiltered #darkcoffee

😅 If anybody manages to hack that 4-hour work w

😅 If anybody manages to hack that 4-hour work week, let me know!

Because I'd love to share with the group.

As much as a lot of us dream of a stripped-back, simple work week, it may be a long way away for various reasons.

So how do we cope in the meantime?

If you're anything like me, you've got a back-to-back calendar

To the point where you might feel like the week is on top of you before it's even started.

So let's take a second to brreeeeeathe and regroup:

☕ take a look at your big jobs for the month ahead

☕ work backwards from your big deadlines to figure out mini-deadlines along the way.

Working in short spribts towards smaller targets means you can comfortably hit your deadline, rather than having a panicked last-minute scramble

☕ choose ONE big priority for the day to focus on

None of this multi-tasking bullshit.

Set it as a non-negotiable for yourself, and revisit a few times throughout the day to make sure you're still on track.

Maybe set an alarm every couple of hours to check in

Or ask a friend to act as an accountability and text you at the end of the day so see if you've done it.

☕ Give yourself a reward when you hit your goal to give you that much-needed dopamine hit.

This can help keep you focused, enjoy your day, and make the whole thing much more tolerable 😊

- ☕ Alice

📅 For more wellbeing and workplace wisdom, come along to this month's Wellbeing In Work meetup.

⏰ 12.30 - 1.30pm Weds 10th Nov

📱 It's free to attend thanks to our awesome sponsor @sicofficial.co.uk - link in our bio to join us!

#wellbeinginwork #wellbeingunfiltered #wellbeingatwork #wellbeingrealtalk #productivity #productivityhack #focus

Run, don't walk away from that to-do list ● I'v

Run, don't walk away from that to-do list ●

I've been talking to a lot (like a looooooot) of you guys in my dm's and emails recently about how hard it is to walk away from work sometimes.

The moment I come up with a pill that switches off your work brain at 7pm, I will let you know.

But until that time, I want to remind you of a few things:

☕ we've been socialised - since our school days - to hustle. We literally finished a day at school to go home and do our homework.

We've literally been TRAINED to overwork.

So is it any wonder that it's basically our autopilot mode?

☕ As such, you're not an idiot for overworking.

You're not bad at prioritising.

You don't suck at time management.

You're not a workaholic.

Our lives are busy, the world is demanding, and tech makes us available if we don't put barriers in place.

Setting those boundaries are hard.

☕ Even harder is having the discipline to set them and enforce them

Which we'll need to repeatedly do

Especially when we're working with teams and clients who've also been taught to overwork.

😅 ok, I'll leave the social commentary for my TED Talk.

TLDR takeaway is to remind you you're not an idiot for overworking - you're a hero for trying to cut down.

- ☕ Alice

#wellbeing #wellbeingunfiltered #wellbeingatwork #wellbeinginwork #wellbeingforbusinessowners #workplacewellbeing #mentalhealthinwork #mentalhealthatwork #selfcare #selfdiscipline #overwork #workaholic #wellbeingcoach

😇 Where is your happy place? It might sound li

😇 Where is your happy place?

It might sound like a trite thing to ask - especially if you're in the throes of a very busy week

Or a crisis

Or a mental health dip.

It might feel like a cutesy little walk isn't going to touch the sides of a bad day, so there's no point in bothering.

But actually, those shitty days are the best days to double down on our wellbeing.

It's like plugging your phone back in when the battery life is flagging.

The trick is:

a) knowing what activities / places / people will top you back up, and

b) having the bloody mindedness to make time for them!

Self care is a discipline like so many other things in your business.

And like so many other things, it's also business-critical.

📸 pic is from a much-needed long walk yesterday afternoon. Getting out in the woods and wandering along the river makes me feel like all is well in the world.

😊 Where is your happy place when you're having a tough day? 👇🏼

- ☕ Alice

#wellbeingatwork #workplacewellbeing #wellbeingcoach #wellbeingforbusinessowners #wellbeingadvocate #unfilteredwellbeing #mentalhealthatwork #mentalhealthunfiltered #realtalk

...which is why it's so important to learn how to

...which is why it's so important to learn how to walk away.

It sometimes takes more discipline to rest than to carry on.

Fair enough - we all have deadlines and sometimes we will need to press on.

But there are a fair few times we could do with walking away and coming back fresh when we're fully rested/ hydrated/ in the mood/ insert other variable here.

If you've stumbled across this while working late tonight, consider it a nudge to check in and see if it's time to clock out 😉

- ☕ Alicr

#wellbeingforbusypeople #wellbeinginwork #wellbeingunfiltered #wellbeingcompany #wellbeingatwork #wellbeingandmentalhealth #wellbeingforentrepreneurs #wellbeingforbusiness #wellbeingforbusinessowners #mentalhealthforbusinessowners #mentalhealthinbusiness #mentalhealthatwork #mentalhealthforleaders

When I first started Dark Coffee, I did it because

When I first started Dark Coffee, I did it because I wanted to share the realities of working through poor mental health, including depression and suicide ideation.

I took pride in being able to shed light on these things

To help people reach a deeper level of understanding

To increase their self-awareness

To gain more compassion

But it's something I don't think I've really done for a long time.

Partly because my mental health has been in a consistently crappy place for a long time.

But also because I've fallen foul of the bullshit professional pressure that so many of us do:

- the pressure to keep going and stay visible online without being a dirge

- the need to push forward with my business, working evenings, weekends and early mornings to stay on track

- the desire to maintain my reputation as someone who is good at managing my wellbeing and capable of helping others do the same.

The last one particularly has made me too afraid to speak openly about how difficult things have been over the past few months.

But, for me, keeping everything to myself feels disingenuous.

I don't want to share every facet of my life online.

( And nor will I)

But I passionately believe that you can have a successful, fulfilling career regardless of how great or terrible your mental health may be at any moment in time.

You don't have to be firing on all cylinders to be able to do great work.

You don't have to feel 100% to be an incredible teacher, leader, trainer, CEO, creative or anything else.

And struggling through a hard time doesn't mean that you can't be successful.

As much as we want to focus on building up our health, wellbeing and feeling great, that's not a consistent way of being.

Having a dip doesn't necessarily mean you're doing anything wrong.

And it doesn't mean that you're failing, you're rubbish or you have anything to be ashamed of.

I'm here as a recently suicidal, professional wellbeing advocate to tell you that it absolutely happens to us all.

- ☕ Alice

P.S no need for offers of help - I have a robust support team around me. This is an awareness post, not a cry for help 💛